Happiness

Still missing my Henry. I think the last few years of the pandemic forced us to become each other's bestie. During the lockdown when there was nowhere to go, literally, our escape became nature, and in that beautiful confinement he and I perfectly found a together-peace no one else could puncture. Yes, he was just a dog, but not really. I would look across the yard at him--him patrolling the fence, rolling in the grass, basking in a patch hot sunlight--and we'd have a silent communication akin to a note being passed in the air. It was contentment, times one million. We woke up together, got through the long days together, and each night we'd stay out until dusk--until the fireflies stopped blinking their June patterns. I can never get that time back--a time which should have been the worst of my life. I guess it was an awakening. Do you remember how loud the birds sang that spring and summer of 2020? Like they were happy we had stopped our chaotic human things for a small moment in time? Cherubs and seraphims swum invisibly among the trees, they and the birds and all of nature formed a wordless communication as well. It was so healing, but I wouldn't wish for the pandemic or the agony it caused so many. 

That's the thing--the part where I feel guilt. But now that Henry is gone, I long for that time. I truly think nature and all the non-human, animal beings on earth are the most precious. As I write, a young rabbit nibbles grass outside the window, then a bright scarlet cardinal perched near to the glass and peeked in. Humans are fine and all, we do need to love and appreciate each other, but what would we do without the magic which surrounds us daily? Actually, what I'm trying to say is, nature makes us better. It does heal us. It is the one place we can go when the walls begin to cave in. 

Dreams and Reality

Last year I hit a nice stride after making the decision to stop my negative thought processes. You may or may not have noticed a difference in the way I blogged at that time. Basically, I switched negative thoughts for more positive ones, the point being that if what I was afraid of hadn't killed me yet, it wasn't worth my time and why not expect a happier outcome instead of all the doom and gloom? The change worked. I was happier and even though life wasn't perfect, I no longer anticipated the worst, meaning I wasn't stuck in fear-based thinking. Life felt easier, and my day-to-day existence became more secure and confident. Remember, I grew up in a cult, my father both mentally and physically abused our family, so I've never been able to trust anyone or feel completely secure. It's why I gave up singing and performing, it's why I don't go into big crowds or concerts or do anything that might put me in a less than secure position.The fear is ingrained in me, and though I fight it on a daily basis, it still causes me much stress and worry.

I know, totally f-ed up.

Now this year my new thing is to battle all those creepy old demons with even more positive manifestation. It's hard. I'm feeling the crunch of having no finances and of being in a really, really messed up situation that has me depressed and just feeling at the end of my rope. From what I've heard with the eclipses and full moon going on this month, it's the perfect time for making the unseen (your dreams) come into reality, and so with that in mind, this really is the perfect time to manifest—if you believe in that stuff. The truth is, all this weird, hocus-pocus, mediation and praying stuff I've been doing has brought me so much relief. I definitely believe in it.

So, manifestation.

If I had money I would do/have/enjoy the following:

I'd buy a charming house with a good amount of acreage and turn it into a farm for myself and the kids. I love alpacas (like, crazy, deep deep love). They are adorable! It's been a dream of mine to have an alpaca farm for quite a while now. Is that weird? I don't care. Bring on the alpacas. They're gentle, sweet, funny and they make the softest yarn. I'd also have chickens, a dairy cow, and . . . I don't know . . . maybe some goats. OH! I'd also have a pot belly pig. Me and those animals on Amy's Acres.

I'd go on tour. I'd paint. I'd travel. I'd see all those small towns I've been stalking on Google. It's been years since this girl has been on a road trip! There's nothing better than pulling into a small town and finding out its history, its customs, its people. I love that. And there's always a diner with a waitress named Vicky. You can bet on it. And pie. There's always kick ass pie in those places.

Another dream I have is to homeschool my children for a year so we can just be together, taking care of the animals, cooking, hiking. And I'd take a million pictures and blog about it and maybe even self-pub a book about our 'nature' experience and what it means to them. That would be so much fun.

There's a few other things I want, but I'll keep all that secret. What dreams do you have that you'd like to manifest?

Thanks for stopping by! And don't forget, The Time Seekers is currently free for e-download on Amazon.

Happy Trails . . .