9. Tiger Woods read it, and he approves
8. The whole "vampire puttin' the moves on an innocent teen girl" thing is getting kinda old
7. Ghosts sparkle too
6. I need the cash
5. It is statistically known that people who don't get published are big losers (not really!)
4. I can pimp it like the ShamWow! guy
3. My books have the amazing power to cure the Swine Flu
2. Help prove to my family that I haven't been surfing the net all day
1. I'll just keep sending queries . . . forever
