Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Still thinkin'

So I had this crazy idea, which isn't that crazy really, but it might be, it just might be. I thought, hey . . .  why don't I go finish that novel—that one about the small town I grew up in? One reason I never finished it was because doing so meant I'd have to focus a certain percentage of memories on my father, a person who I'd much rather forget, and if you knew him you'd understand why. And yet, it still lingers that it's something that should be done. And I don't want to write it as show off, I want to be very conversational and open about the whole thing. Just tell it like it was. So, I guess I'll start working on that, along with the other stuff waiting in the sidelines. What really makes it crazy though is that I have this idea to write an album along with it--songs that go with the stories. And then I could tour.  Crazy Amy with her crazy book about her crazy childhood—and songs to boot. I've never gotten to do a whole 'on the road' thing before. It'd be fun.

And how about you? Ever had some crazy ideas that actually worked out?

Monday, November 17, 2014


A few weeks ago my sister asked if I'd like to see Lucinda Williams at Liberty Hall in Lawrence, Ks. Lawrence is a college town located about twenty miles down the road, sort of like "over the river and through the woods." I told her that I, as usual, was low on cash and couldn't afford a ticket, to which she replied, well I'll buy you one . . . if you do some painting at my house. That's the way my life is, but hey, I got to see Lucinda Williams! And yes, a few days later I painted floorboards and doors and walls. . . I actually saw Miss Williams come out of her tour bus the night of the concert. She's quite little and had her blonde hair all sprayed to wild perfection and wore tight blue jeans and high heel boots. A male companion followed as she walked past the que into the building. Cool. During her concert she sang "Joy," a particular favorite of mine. I'm going to make it my song of the day.

Has anyone ever taken your joy? If so, blast this song real loud.


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Options, Options

My brain is still turning, but I am happy about deciding to go back to songwriting again. However, my problems are not far behind as I am still conflicted about not only what I should do in life, but what is it that I like to do, and what will provide monetary relief. Some people get seriously angry when you mention money around any artistic venture, but too bad for them, a person has to make money or they can't afford to do what they love. The perfect setting is making it in your desired field and going with the flow of abundance the universe provides. But more often than not, the universe is hanging out with a Kardashian. Oh boy, those pictures! So, I still need to find a way to make the, I know it's a dirty word, CASH. Shiver.

Also, writing is still a huge source of happiness, so I'm not going to stop doing that. Actually, I'm still under contract for a third book, which is a great thing. I'm really proud of it and look forward to the edits. And there are a few other writing projects I want to get off the ground, so the literary portion of my life is still at Go.

But wait, there's more . . .

I love angels and spirituality, so you might see some of that here. I'd love to do something with art and angels, and I'm also drawn to astrology. That's probably going to come into play here on the blog. Bear with me as I go through this mess of 'too many' ideas and ventures. There might be days when you come here and I'm all like, "Here's the new song I wrote," and then the next day, "Do you know who your guardian angel is?"Adding: I just started a new blog called Earth Spirit Girl. I think that will help keep things organized.

Also, I might try to do wedding event planning as something keeps pushing me to at least try it. With the same-sex marriage ban being lifted in so many states, it looks like it could be a great time for that sort of venture. The time has come for same-sex couples to come together in a lawful, loving union. I think they will show the opposite-sex couples what it means to have a true balance of power in a relationship. Give and take. No more of this macho, John Wayne crap. No more old world dogma. The new world is love and balance. It is happening and it is for our benefit.

So, that's what is happening here in Kansas. How are things in your neck of the woods?

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

A revelation

By Motorrad-67 at en.wikipedia Later versions were uploaded by Liftarn at en.wikipedia. [Attribution], from Wikimedia Commons

I meditated this morning because it's a very spiritual day in numbers: November 11th; 11-11. To increase the effect I meditated at 11:11 am. But anyway, after yesterday's glum post it feels weird to say this, but what the heck I'm like one fruit loop short of a breakfast right now with all this stuff going on, but I had this revelation that I was to start writing music and singing again. Namely, that I need to pick up my guitar and start doing it ASAP. That voice inside of me (my spirit guides, angels) made it very clear. The world needs my voice, my tenacity, my wisdom, my spirit. I wrote down the gist of what it said, and I know . . . it sounds crazy. This is what I wrote down after the meditation:
--> This is your calling in life. Other jobs will come and go, but you must write and sing. You are a beautiful cardinal—you know you are. Someone caged you. Someone hurt you. People are good at that, though they seldom recognize it’s what they are doing. But you must break free and continue your gift. 
 So there you have it. A voice of reason? It's not going to be easy. But I guess I'm going to pick up my old guitar and start writing again. I'll take any good vibes you want to send out, prayers, thoughts, etc. Peace.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Dead Ends and Unseen Options


Lately I've been asking myself a lot of questions. Looking for signs.

Am I really a writer? I love to write. But that doesn't make a person qualified. At times what I come up with is halfway decent. But . . . is this really my profession? The numbers tell me no. Dead end. Quit while you're ahead, honey. And part of me is so relieved to get this kind of confirmation from the universe. Okay, got it. Stop writing. But then, what do I do? I have to keep busy. No more messing around. It's time to find an occupation that will pay the bills. What is it? Music wasn't exactly fruitful for me. Art?

More dead ends.

Ah, Life. Why didn't you tell me this years ago? Or did you, and I wasn't willing to listen?

We should all come with a guidebook at birth with step-by-step instructions: "Pick this job, don't get into that relationship, don't buy that car, it's time to ask for a raise . . ."

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where you were forced to question everything?

Saturday, October 25, 2014

One Lovely Blogger Award

Thanks to the extremely talented Tom Williams, author of The White Rajah series, I have been nominated to carry on the:

One Lovely Blogger Award
Thank you, Tom!

1.       Share 7 Lovely Facts about myself

3.      Nominate the authors of those blogs to participate and do the same, linking back to the original Lovely blog. (That would be this page)
1.     I eat hummus almost every day and hardly ever get bored doing so. Sometimes I switch it up with pita chips or pita bread, or throw in a few cucumber slices (or a carrot?), but that’s pretty much it. Hummus. On an off day I go out and buy a sub sandwich. Then I feel bad and go back to the hummus. Obsessive maybe? Nah . . .

2.     If things had gone differently (if I hadn’t been such a clutz) I would have been a ballerina. Still have dreams of that one. Always wanted to own a pair of pointe shoes. But I had a mean-ass dance teacher who picked on me because I couldn’t do a proper plie. During a private phone conversation with my mother,  she explained that I would never be a dancer because I was too tall, too this, too that. Pick, pick, pick. It hurt my feelings so bad that I didn’t go back to lessons the next year. In my heart, though, I still longed to attend. 

3.     I almost made it to Pikes Peak a few years back, but the roads were closed halfway due to a recent snowstorm. However, I did get the chance to peer out over a cliff looking across a long vista of lower hills and high prairie, including the town of Colorado Springs. It’s the same landscape to inspire the song, America the Beautiful. And it was beautiful. Hopefully I’ll have the chance to go back one day, and to the top this time! 

4.     Every morning I wake up around 6:30a.m. Sometimes I wish I could sleep in like I did back when I was a loser slob, but something won’t let me do that. No alarm or anything. Just my brain. 

5.     I’m this close to ghost hunting. It’s always fascinated me as I tend to find the ephemeral more interesting that the living. Plus, there’s so much history in the old buildings these paranormal investigators get access too. Would it be scary? Heck yeah, but I’d still do it. For now, I just watch it on TV. Every Wednesday night I collect an array of snacks and then sit down to watch Ghost Hunters on SyFy. It is, literally, my favorite show in the world. If I ever get the chance to do an investigation, I’ll be so happy. And you guys will be the first to hear about the adventure!

6.     My first real dog as an adult was a red dapple dachshund named Jasmine. She was adorable and fun, but man, we did not get along. The entire winter after bringing her home she bit my feet, my hands, pooped in the house, barked at me, ripped things up. It was like, everything I did to train her, she’d defiantly do the opposite, just to spite me. One morning I put my coffee mug down on the kitchen table and then got up to take a shower. I pulled all the chairs away so she wouldn’t jump up to find scraps and crumbs. It was me being a jerk, kind of, but mostly I didn’t want her on the table. “You can’t get up there, Jazz. I pulled all the chairs out.” I went and took my shower. Half an hour later I walk into the kitchen and Jasmine is sitting right in the middle of the table next to an empty cup of coffee. My eyes strayed to the chairs—pulled out so far, much too far for a little dachshund to fly across the room from. She must have done it over and over, and I could picture her doing it too, until she’d reached her goal. And why? Just for some coffee? But that was Jasmine. Determined. Strong willed. A few years later I had my first child, and I always credited her for teaching me the art of patience. You think you know, but you don’t. We bickered every day, but when Jasmine became sick and I knew she was going to die, I gently picked her up and carried her outside to the backyard so she could lie in the sunlight and watch the kids play. It was springtime and the air was cool and the grass was sweet. I could tell it meant a lot to her. After she died I went to retrieve her ashes from the veterinarian’s office, and upon coming home the little stone statue of a dachshund I’d bought when Jasmine was a puppy had flipped over to its side. It had never done that previously and hasn’t done it since. I truly believe she was telling me that: she was okay, and all past arguments had been forgiven. She was also saying that she loved me. I love you too, Jazz.

7.     Some of you already know about this, because you were here on the blog when it happened! I once had the chance to play Blondie and Joni Mitchell in an all-female musical revue. Truly, I was shocked to be picked for those roles, my musical idols. But I didn’t think I had the ability to pull it off. I wasn’t a good enough singer, I couldn’t dance (there’s that dance thing again), I was too tall, too daft. Pick, pick, pick. But the director told me that, eh, sure I could do it. And . . . I did. After a month-long rehearsal in some old church, sans air conditioning, it was time to prove to the world, and myself, that I had the goods. It was magic standing inside the curtains each night waiting for “Janis” to finish her ode to Booby McGee.  I’d quietly step across the stage, guitar in hand, wearing a white lace dress and flowers in my hair, and I’d transform into Joni Mitchell. Then later, Deborah Harry—which involved a lot of makeup! That summer will forever be in my mind and my heart. It does somewhat erase my former dance teacher’s merciless taunts and insults. Yeah, it does completely, actually.

And those are my 7 lovely facts. I’d like to nominate my friends: Mollie, Cro, Starting Over, and The Broad, and Shelly Sly. It's late, so I might think of others! You are all great. Of course, I'd nominate Tom, but he's already done this thing. Thanks again, Tom!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Dreams and Reality

Last year I hit a nice stride after making the decision to stop my negative thought processes. You may or may not have noticed a difference in the way I blogged at that time. Basically, I switched negative thoughts for more positive ones, the point being that if what I was afraid of hadn't killed me yet, it wasn't worth my time and why not expect a happier outcome instead of all the doom and gloom? The change worked. I was happier and even though life wasn't perfect, I no longer anticipated the worst, meaning I wasn't stuck in fear-based thinking. Life felt easier, and my day-to-day existence became more secure and confident. Remember, I grew up in a cult, my father both mentally and physically abused our family, so I've never been able to trust anyone or feel completely secure. It's why I gave up singing and performing, it's why I don't go into big crowds or concerts or do anything that might put me in a less than secure position.The fear is ingrained in me, and though I fight it on a daily basis, it still causes me much stress and worry.

I know, totally f-ed up.

Now this year my new thing is to battle all those creepy old demons with even more positive manifestation. It's hard. I'm feeling the crunch of having no finances and of being in a really, really messed up situation that has me depressed and just feeling at the end of my rope. From what I've heard with the eclipses and full moon going on this month, it's the perfect time for making the unseen (your dreams) come into reality, and so with that in mind, this really is the perfect time to manifest—if you believe in that stuff. The truth is, all this weird, hocus-pocus, mediation and praying stuff I've been doing has brought me so much relief. I definitely believe in it.

So, manifestation.

If I had money I would do/have/enjoy the following:

I'd buy a charming house with a good amount of acreage and turn it into a farm for myself and the kids. I love alpacas (like, crazy, deep deep love). They are adorable! It's been a dream of mine to have an alpaca farm for quite a while now. Is that weird? I don't care. Bring on the alpacas. They're gentle, sweet, funny and they make the softest yarn. I'd also have chickens, a dairy cow, and . . . I don't know . . . maybe some goats. OH! I'd also have a pot belly pig. Me and those animals on Amy's Acres.

I'd go on tour. I'd paint. I'd travel. I'd see all those small towns I've been stalking on Google. It's been years since this girl has been on a road trip! There's nothing better than pulling into a small town and finding out its history, its customs, its people. I love that. And there's always a diner with a waitress named Vicky. You can bet on it. And pie. There's always kick ass pie in those places.

Another dream I have is to homeschool my children for a year so we can just be together, taking care of the animals, cooking, hiking. And I'd take a million pictures and blog about it and maybe even self-pub a book about our 'nature' experience and what it means to them. That would be so much fun.

There's a few other things I want, but I'll keep all that secret. What dreams do you have that you'd like to manifest?

Thanks for stopping by! And don't forget, The Time Seekers is currently free for e-download on Amazon.

Happy Trails . . .