|photo credit: arbyreed Mucus Containment System via photopin (license)|
Have you had it yet? You'd know if you'd had. I don't know how I got this year's dose, but perhaps it's best to leave those details behind. The thing is, you know when it's happening and you feel the doom of acceptance--put up a good front and pop a few Advils and vitamin C before pulling up the proverbial covers. When it came down to the nitty gritty, however, I had no way to fight off this disgusting thing. Days and days of fever, chills, aches, coughing, sneezing, sleepless nights, lying on the bathroom floor. Someone should give me a ribbon for reaching the end of the internet, because I must have looked up every topic on Google and watched every video on YouTube in an attempt to entertain myself while lying on cold linoleum. What it taught me is the world is gaudy and YouTube is the greediest monster ever. Ads upon ads. Ads you can't click out of. Ads that have nothing to do with the video you're watching. Ads about timeshares and fried chicken. I mean, come on. Oh, and then the ads turned into 'Do you have chronic cough?' Why, yes. I do. 'See our specialists.' They're listening.
I also found out that the early bird catches the worm when it comes to hitting up the clinic. Try as you may to figure out a good time to go sit in a public lobby with germs festering the air like dust, but you'll never figure out a good strategy other then just going in and waiting for the rest of your stricken life. "You'd better give me antibiotics," I said when seen at last, "because I've been coughed on by everyone and their mother." Zombies with dripping noses. I got my antibiotics.
The stupid flu made me miss New Year's Eve and Day and the days after. My children covered their ears at the coughing and said it was okay that all their fun holiday activities were over. I'm still trying to make up for it.
A few more things: many are still out. I noticed on Sunday the stores and streets were empty. We need to bring back the old NyQuil so folks like me who slept on the bathroom floor in complete misery can just medicate ourselves into spaceland. Stupid meth heads ruin everything. Sorry, that's harsh, but so is the flu.
So, I hate to ask again. Have you had it? I hope not. Run, hide. Find a safe place. Stay well, my friends. And until next time . . . stock up on good tissues, or if you're cheap like me, three-ply toilet paper. Good luck.