Showing posts from January, 2017

You made a difference

Friday morning I woke up and sensed a palpable negative energy in the world, like a cold skin had been placed on us all. The sky was slate grey and blackbirds corralled in my yard picking at the ground. Thank God for children and their divine ability to distract us all from the troubles of life. When they came home from school going on and on about tests and what their plans for the weekend were, I felt myself lighten up a bit.

Friday was the inauguration, and no, I didn't watch. It may be history, but so are sinking ships.

On Saturday things weren't that much better, really. I went about the house completing my errands, conducting a mental dialogue about the groceries I needed to pick up for the week ahead: sack lunches for the kids, dinners, hand-held items for bus-bound pre-teens. By noon the clouds thinned just enough to see a spark of sunlight; it lightened my emotions as I took Henry for a walk. Still though, my heart felt depleted like that of a twenty-year-old after …

Smoke got in my eyes

I was once a smoker. Not heavy, but it was enough of a habit to qualify as an addiction, though I know many will get up in arms over what an addiction truly is. For me, to wake up in the morning and want to have a smoke in the car on the way to school or work, maybe two, then one or two after, then one in the evening and before bed, would equate to at least a habit. And not only that, it was the emotional need that made it real.

It started in high school. My friend *Kacy pulled me into her father's camper in their front drive where we proceeded to pull cigarette butts out of an ashtray on a little card table. She told me she'd smoked many times before (her father was a heavy smoker) and that he'd never found out so it was okay. So we lit up. And it was nasty. But I was exciting. Later on I'm about seventeen, and on Saturday nights my friends and I like to go park outside the old elementary school in our small town. We start lighting up more and more because Kacy has a…

Hello 2017

A brand new year, a brand new me . . . isn't that how it's supposed to go? Except, I'm not exactly sure that I'm feeling so brand new! Okay, yes, I am happy to see the old year pass away into the dirty fog it created, but isn't this *stuff* getting rather old, all this 'I have to be a better version of myself' starting right now, stuff? How about I'm happy with who I am and nothing needs to change, thank you very much? I worked hard on myself last year, and all the years past, and nothing needs to change. I just need to accept myself exactly as I am, right here, right now. Anyone else feeling this?

I keep hearing everyone say that 2016 was such a terrible year, but I don't feel the same way. 2016 was a great year of lessons and revelations. Of learning to trust my intuition, of learning to be comfortable in my own skin (even when I'm not that comfortable), of acceptance, of facing reality, of knowing what I can and cannot change, of what my tru…