Mind Games . . . Forever . . .

Today is John Lennon's 75th birthday. If you've read The Time Seekers you know that my rebellious young character Jesse claims to be John's illegitimate son. Bitter and seeking answers, he goes to New York to meet the famous rock star, but by the end of the book something happens that just might change history forever. Can't say without giving it away!

You guys know how much I adore John Lennon. He's been a guru, a father-figure, my fantasy lover, an imaginary friend, etc. I used to sleep with a picture of him every night under my pillow because I LOVED HIM THAT MUCH. Seriously. It was weird, but I really do adore him, and thank you very much, Tom, for telling me John was tiny—it only slightly ruined my fantasy. I'll have you know that after much research it's concluded that John was about 5' 10". So, fantasy FULL ON again.

John had proclaimed himself a 'househusband'—a term fairly new to most people in the late 70s. He took care of Sean, baked bread and generally became a recluse. Because he felt he'd let down his first son Julian, as his father had with him, Sean became his final chance to get it right. For the most part I think John did a good job, but what bothers me about those last years is the sort of imprisonment he seemed to be enduring. Yoko is an amazing artist, no one can argue that, but I've been doing a lot of research on narcissistic behavior and from what I've read she fits many of the characteristics. Was John really free to go out and do as he pleased? Was he being manipulated by someone who knew all of his weaknesses, someone who had not only control of his heart but also his money; his brand, his image? I'm really starting to wonder. Something tells me had John not been murdered the night of December 8th, 1980, he probably would have split from Yoko and started a new life. But no one will ever know for sure because we, and he, weren't given the chance.

If you look at John those last few years, he's emaciated. That's what really bothers me the most. Why didn't anyone tell him he had an eating problem? Was he being encouraged to control his food intake? It's clear he had body issues and needed help. Something in my gut says there was foul play on so many levels. Because he'd lost his mother at a young age, then his best friend, then countless other people he cared about, I think he was emotionally fragile. These are the kind of people narcissists latch onto. It makes me very sad. In my opinion, he was a victim of emotional manipulation and he wasn't living life of his own free will. He wasn't even allowed to have a bodyguard. Wow.

I always sort of envision John as a swan. He was special, and for anyone to have killed him, it's like sin of all sins. But if you look at history, many of the peacemakers have met violent ends. We can't seem to handle it. We're devolving. We've reached that level of high consciousness and have become so afraid that we've started to descend. Down, down, down we go.

If John were still alive he'd love the internet. But like the rest of us, he'd grow tired of the constant bullying and taunts, and most of all, the politics. In my opinion, he'd say, "Alright, we've had enough of being online, let's all get out and DO SOMETHING. Let's create change. Let's still be humans. We have the ability, and we've got the power. Freedom comes from within. We're all free. We're all beautiful. Seek peace. And above all, love one another."

Every time I hear the song Mind Games I get a deep, deep feeling of love and hope. Chills. That's the beauty of John Lennon. It came on the other night in the car and it really struck me how completely different the sound is. How different all of John's songs are. It's so imprinted with his soul. No one can change that or ever take it away. Happy Birthday, John. We miss you.