In these last few weeks the leaves have gone from green to burgeoning amber. The air's been hot, then cold, then hot again. As for me, I'm up, down and waaaaay, way down. A total rollercoaster. It's not about the writing so much, or the failure I'm feeling, but life in general. Why can't I do anything right? Why do I give up so easy? And why can't anything ever be good enough--enough to sit back and say that I'm happy and fulfilled? Last year was great because I made positive thinking a habit and that made a huge difference in my life. This must be a temporary slump. My book isn't selling and it hurts. That's life. Give me a few weeks and I'll be a flippin' Doris Day again.
Julia keeps me from delving too deeply into the dark. She's always looking ahead, figuring out the mysteries of life, how things work, how love works, how our minds work. She's a walking, talking Google. If someone mentions a medical condition on TV, she researches the crap out of it until she can spout every fact for hours--whether you've asked to or not. I must admit, sometimes that girl needs a time-out. Please, I can't take another explanation of how the circulatory system works or how the universe was made. Just. Let. Me. Sleep. Personally, I think it's turning her into a hypochondriac.
"Mom, my gut feels kind of weird."
"Julia? It's, like, midnight. Are you gonna barf? If you're gonna barf, don't talk about it, just go to the bathroom right now. I hate cleaning barf."
"No, I don't think I'm going to barf. I just feel weird. Maybe I ate too much soup. My intestines are digesting it. Did you know your intestines do all the work? Not your stomach. People think it's their stomach."
"No, I didn't. Listen, it's midnight. Go to sleep."
Five minutes pass. "Mom?"
"Now I have to pee."
"Well, then, go pee."
Later—"Mom, I peed."
"Good. Go . . . to . . . sleep."
Five minutes later. "I shouldn't have watched that video about ghosts in Atlanta. Now I'm scared."
"There are no ghosts in our house, and we're in Kansas, so you're cool. Okay?"
Julia read all sorts of stuff on how to be a vegan the other week and went on to tell everyone how awesome vegans were. She explained all the dos and don'ts, and how it's wrong to eat meat, and how being vegan is healthier anyway. She even wanted tofu in her lunchbox. That afternoon she came home with a sad look on her face. I asked what was wrong. "Oh, nothing. It's just . . . being a vegan made me depressed." I told her she was young and her body needed certain nutrients and that's why she was sad. I explained that it was okay to eat a little meat every once in a while and when she grows up she can go vegan all the way. She seemed okay with that.
I hope I said the right thing. Maybe I'm just too lazy to learn vegan cooking. Am I cop out, or what?
So anyway, what will be Julia's topic of the week this week? Hmm . . . I'll keep you updated.
Have a lovely Monday!