The letter A, in a one-act play

Get out of bed A, it's time.

*Grumble* . . . time for what?

The letter of the day—and you're first, remember?

How can I forget? I'm always first. Geez, can't a letter sleep in for just once in their life?

Uh, A, they're waiting.

All right, whatever. A, Airplane. A, Apple. A, Absinthe.

C'mon. This isn't Sesame Street, A. Say something intelligent. Something wise.

All right, but can I have a cup of coffee first?!

Yeah. Hurry. Sorry folks. A is in a bit of a bad mood this morning. I'm sure he'll be okay in just a few minutes. WTF? Okay, he's in the bathroom now. No, that's not a magazine being turned. *It'd better not be* Oh! Here he is. What . . . A, where are you going? Oh. Time for a cigarette. I see. *Sigh*

Ten minutes later.

Got my coffee, I'm feeling good. Now I can come up with something truly marvelous that will rock the universe, make people happy, enlighten, educate, elucidate—

That's my letter. But yeah, I'll probably use those when my day comes.

*Ahem* Advise, amplify, appraise, ascend, arise . . .

He's reading from a thesaurus, folks. A freaking—*slaps A* Are you done?

Yeah, I'm done. Really done. Can I get back to bed?

By all means.

Are you coming?

I don't know . . . I shouldn't. *Whispers*  yes.

Awesome.